My Parents; Random Reflections

So 2011 has been a slow/sluggish/rough start to the year, which puts a bit of a damper on my mood these days. Not much to say about it that hasn’t been said in the past so I won’t delve into too much detail besides that it’s been frustrating. Interestingly enough, I re-read my past blog entries from around this time of year for the past couple of years and noticed a trend of starting off years slow. For whatever reason, variance has decided to play tricks on me around this time for the duration of my online career. Not to say that when a certain day arrives it’ll be like clockwork and things return to normal, but for now, that’s just what I’ve observed. I’m trying to stay focused and positive and play through the nonsense as much as I can, and that’s all I can do at this point is to hang tough and know that things will eventually turn around as long as I stick to the game plan. The long term seems so much longer when things aren’t going as well as when you’re on the upswing; being one of the most consistent players in the online world has somewhat spoiled my expectations into thinking I should be winning every statistically favored hand, every day, every week, and every month. It’s just not going to happen in this business. Sometimes after a down period is over and things are good again I look back and think about how silly I was to worry, and look at my lifetime graph…usually that down period is hardly noticeable in the grand scheme of things. It’s important to take the time to reflect and put some perspective on these kinds of things.
However, it does not imply that I can just kick back and expect things to go my way without trying to actively work on my game and troubleshoot my weak areas. This isn’t my worst stretch by any means, nor is it the most psychologically wearing. I just want to be as candid as possible with myself and my possible readers on what’s going on in my career. I found that reading my older entries is actually kind of rewarding and fun, documenting my progress along the way, the steps I had to take to reach the point where I am now. I look ahead to better days with a serene optimism and thank anyone who has listened to me vent about rough days in the office (especially Danny, Doug, Sean). I really appreciate their support and it means a great deal to have friends of that caliber.
Once upon a time in early 2008 I had to hide the fact that I played poker from my parents. I still remember vividly the days when I would secretly grind $1/2 in my parents’ basement after they had gone to bed (around 11 PM) until the wee hours of the morning, only to be exhausted and sleeping in all next day. It was unhealthy and reminiscent of my nocturnal days in college, when I would go to sleep as the sun is rising, but it was also the only choice I had at the time. These days, I have absolutely nothing to hide from my parents, and has since been like a 50 ton weight lifted off my shoulders and my heart. I have been upfront with them about my latest rough patch, and they have offered me nothing but love and support, being the amazingly wonderful people they always have been my entire life. I really cannot express how much they mean to me. They are the ultimate anchors in my world, genuinely always looking out for my best interest, regardless of how much they would potentially have to compromise or sacrifice…I guess that’s what true unconditional love is. All those years they put up with my nonsense and immaturity while growing up are only starting to sink in now that I’m older and (hopefully) much more mature. My dad said something simple but touched my heart yesterday over dinner and the Lakers-Celtics game on TV: “Son, don’t worry so much. You’ll get through it, just be patient…things will be better again. We always love you no matter what.”
Even typing this up is getting me a little watery eyed. True unconditional love. So many times in the past I have failed, disappointed, lied to, deceived, and hurt my parents. I never deserved any of their love and forgiveness but here we are. They still take me back with open arms and warm smiles because that’s who they are. One day when I have children I will be sure to carry on this kind of unselfishness. Lao ma and lao ba, I love you both forever and always. They deserve everything but want nothing from me other than to see me happy. I really couldn’t have asked for better parents. So the next time I go through a tough stretch like I’m having now, or inevitably lose another hand where I was supposed to win, I will try to recall my dad’s calming voice in my head, and the fact that I have them both in my life.
I’ve got to also add that my amazing wife Yen has been the other stable anchor in my life, always offering encouragement and looking for ways to cheer me up. I’m writing this coming off yet another unbelievably disappointing and frustrating session, but I can’t wait to pick her up and spend some time with her at night. It’s times like these that make me appreciate even more the people who care in my life.

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